Today's Adventure

It started out as a simple bike ride.

We parked our car on the road outside of Eygalieres and then rode to Aureilles and back.  It was as beautiful as ever.  Val had promised me a crepe au chocolat after the ride and I was looking forward to it.

Unfortunately, when we got back to our car we noticed glass on the ground.  The little window on the passenger side had been shattered and someone had gotten into our car.  

They stole our $15 cooler but missed Val’s purse.  Real criminal masterminds, these.

  

We called the insurance company, who directed us to the local police to file a report.  It turns out that Eygalieres is too small to have its own police department so we headed to St. Remy.

The cop who helped us was a real comedian.  When we told him our car had been broken into he asked if anything had been stolen.

“Nothing important, just a cooler,” said Val.

“They didn’t get the sandwiches, did they?” he asked, looking alarmed.

“No,” I said, “we’d already eaten them.”

“Thank goodness!”

He then took the car’s paperwork and Val’s ID and started filling out a long form on his computer. 

While he was doing that, his colleague came in to get the car key so he could check out the crime scene.  He had his crime kit, latex gloves, the whole bit.  Kind of CSI-St.Remy. 

The first cop was just about done with the form when his colleague returned.  “I have examined the crime scene,” he said, “and have determined that your car’s window has been broken.”

Wow, these guys are good!

When the form was done, the cop signed and stamped it in a bunch of places and gave it to Val to sign.  But I had noticed one little error – in the box for Marital Status he had filled in Célibataire (Single).

“Excuse me,” I said, “but my wife is married.”

“Oh!  Sorry!  My mistake,” said the cop.

“In fact,” I continued, “next week will be our 25^th wedding anniversary.”

I noticed Val looking a little disgruntled.  “Well,” she said, “I was actually looking forward to being single again.  25 years is a long time.”

Ha ha!  She’s such a kidder!  I think.

We finally got the paperwork done, shook hands all around and headed home.  As we left I remembered that we’d been here once before, when someone had broken into our car and stolen a melon.  It was about ten years ago.

A real crime wave.

KVS

My Life in France, by Lucca

Wide of the Mark

The news today has been all about French trains.

A few years ago the French government decided to order new high-speed intercity trains.  They would be designed by the same company that makes the TGV, the French bullet train - one of the symbols of French technological mastery.  The train would have a new chassis, new engine and sleek new look.  Ah, the grandeur !

The train took several years and billions of dollars to develop.  Unfortunately, they forgot to budget for a tape measure.

It seems that this new train is a few inches too wide to fit into French train stations.  Well, ok, not ALL of them.  Just…um…er…thousands.  So many more millions will be spent retrofitting the stations.

I blame the metric system.

KVS

Party Time!

It is almost time for the European elections and we can’t wait.  On Sunday, every country in the European Union will elect deputies to the European Parliament.  These deputies will then head off to Strasbourg where they will do…well, nobody quite knows what, but we’re pretty sure we don’t like it.

48 different parties are contesting the election in France, most of which we’ve never heard of.  Here are a few of of my favorites:

New Anti-Capitalist Party

Union of Struggle Against the Banks

For a Royal France at the Heart of Europe

Cannabis Without Borders

Esperanto, a Fair Common Language for All

Libertarian Program for a Europe Setting an Example Against Sexism and Precariousness

Every night after the news they broadcast 90-second ads for the different parties, a few each night.  It is one of the highlights of the day. 

The major party ads are pretty dull, all about responsibility and blah blah blah.  No wonder nobody likes those guys.

The ads for the various Green parties, of which there seem to be a zillion, tend to be all sunshine and lollipops – “We believe in a clean environment, good jobs for everyone, and puppies.”

The ad for the extreme-right National Front was depressingly familiar – basically We Hate Foreigners. Unfortunately, they are currently leading in the polls.

The Communist Party had a very old dude, one the last of the hard core commies, blaming everything on capitalism.  He kind of swayed back and forth while he talked.  I think maybe he knew Karl Marx personally.

The guy from the Regionalism Party kept railing against the jacobins in Paris.  He was referring to the French revolution and the radicals of the day who centralized power in Paris.  But it seemed a bit dated, like someone in the US complaining about the Whig Party.

Our favorite was the New Deal Party.  The ad started out with a young couple in bed doing, um, what young couples do in bed.  Suddenly a lady comes into the room and sits on the bed. 

“You’re trying to make a baby, aren’t you?” she demands. 

“Uh, yes.” 

“Well, have you thought about what kind of future that baby is going to have, and whether that baby will have political leaders who will make sure there are good job, fair wages, and a clean environment?” 

“Um, no, I wasn’t thinking about that just at this moment” says the guy.

“Why yes, I was!” says the gal.

“So vote New Deal in the European elections!” says the lady, who then leaves the bedroom.

You can see why we love these elections.

KVS

Up and Over

Val looked at me the other day and told me I was getting too fat, dumb and happy.  Well, her remark made me unhappy so I’m pretty sure that means she was wrong on one count.

She proposed a solution – more biking.  She suggested we bike to Maussane for lunch via the Val d’Enfer.  You may recall that the Val d’Enfer (Hell Valley) is at the end of a long, uphill ride.  Basically you bike straight up for a very long time, then you turn around and coast straight down for a very short time.

Val said that instead of turning around at the top, we should continue on to Maussane.  I figured that since it was downhill from the Val d’Enfer to Maussane, this would be great. We’d go on a vigorous bike ride up up up, then an easy coast down and then lunch.  What could possibly go wrong?

Oh yeah, we’d have to ride back.

That meant two of those gigantic uphills, basically going up and over the Alpilles mountains twice.  Now for a stud biker like our friend Glenn, this is nothing.  He could probably do it with one leg tied behind his back.  But for us it’s pretty challenging.

But we decided to do it so off we went.  The first ascent wasn’t too bad.  And lunch at one of our favorite restaurants was delicious – fish tempura and then quail with risotto for Val, artichoke tart and then seam bream for me.  No wine though, dang it.

The ride back started out ok but that darned hill seemed to get steeper and steeper the further we went.  Whose idea was this, anyway?  I kept asking Val “are we there yet?” until she threatened to push me off the edge of the mountain.

We finally made it home.  Val was pretty much fresh as a daisy while I was a bit worse for wear.

Not as fat, though.

KVS

After the first ascent

 Fortifying ourselves

 We have to climb what??

 Triumph

Ouf !